And so the changes were made. One hour after bragging to one of the husband's friends that stopped by how good it felt to let go - how nice it was to finally be able to BREATHE in my own home, how peaceful things were getting for me, and how much closer the husband and I were becoming.....it all blew up. Trying to learn the right --- no that isn't what I need to say ----- I know the correct reaction, I have already learned it... I have to USE the tools I've learned. I refuse to live the rest of my life with my guard up. I am not a bad person. I made oooodles of mistakes raising my children, but I did it, its done, and if they can't get over my screw ups then I'm beginning to think that there really isn't much I can do about that. I refuse to keep a wall around me. I am getting older, I am tired, I have given and given and given. I still have love inside me - I still have a chance to be happy. I'm finished working on everyone else for a little while - they don't listen anyway, and then I run behind and pick up the pieces and sweep the rest under this perpetual rug I have my heart wrapped up in. For what ?