Weighty Issues

Touchy and very sensitive subjects for me I normally do not post about, but this one I'm going out on a limb, because I think if I put myself out there, then I'll have all the more reason to stick to it.

Diabetes and thyroid disease is prominent on the maternal side of our family. And with this, comes weight issues.

I am tested regularly for diabetes, and have previously been on thyroid medication. The levels in my blood balanced out again, and they took me off of them.

I had lost nearly 32 lbs, and felt wonderful. No back problems AT ALL. Energy you would not believe. Of course, my routine was completely different, and I was on the run everyday - (come to think of it, I'm on the run everyday still).

Within one year of having been taking off all medications, I regained the weight. No changes in diet, no changes in routine.

Last year, I became very ill, and after a round of different doctors, I finally landed with an internal specialist. When he read my charts from the hospital, he was puzzled as to why the had not admitted me. Apparently there was more wrong with me than they told. They sent me home from the ER and told me to pick up some Pepcid AC on the way. Not being able to walk (hmmm, you'd think that would have told them something...), and just coming off of a severe allergic reaction to whatever they had me drink, they sent me home. Steve all but carried me to the car, mother trailing behind, and they put me to bed at home. Once I got to the specialist, we started from top to bottom, blood tests, urine tests, ultrasounds, chest Xrays. Thankfully, I was straightened back out again...much on my own, since I couldn't get in to see him for so long and spent two weeks on water and bread and an occasional bite of this or that - but the water saved me - I had apparently had a severe kidney infection, and the water had flushed it out, and the fever subsided after two days on its own.

7 months ago, I began having odd sensations in by limbs, and dizzy spells and very tired all of the time. I went back to the Dr, and he said these were anxiety attacks. I had been having an awful time at home, moved out, the holidays were awful, and I had overdone it. So more meds.

We discussed at that time that my thyroid levels were out of whack, but lets take care of this problem first, then we'll discuss the other.

I feel much better, have been knocking my portions of food down to 1/2 of what I would normally eat, but no change in weight. When I went to see him last month, I HAD lost 2 lbs, but I am afraid that was by accident - and now I am going back in three and a half weeks.

I am making a goal of 32 lbs within the next 8 months. I know that the thyroid has so much to with this, with my lack of energy, and the weight gain, but for my own sake, I'm going to grill everything, more salad, less bread and potatoes, and see where I am then.

I don't' EVER talk about my weight - I'm ashamed of it, and I feel like a huge cow - thus - lack of pictures of me at ANY family function..but more so - I want to do it for health and the grand babies...

So, keep your fingers crossed, and I've started today.

Mother's Visit With Granddaddy

Mother went down yesterday to visit Granddaddy and check in on his progress while the normal Monday - Friday staff was there.

She watched him from outside of his therapy room, the doctor having released him to put weight on his leg now, they had him walking. When he realized mother was there, he let the therapist know that he HAD to visit with her.

She noticed that Brother John had bought a new wallet for him, (his was washed in the coat pocket of the suit they ruined), and commented on it. Nosey one that she is (joke between my sister and I), she went through it. The nursing home has requested that they do not carry cash, credit cards, driver's license, due to the risk of identity theft and just plain theft. Their staff is thoroughly checked out, but they choose to omit the temptation all together. Anyway, mother discovered that he had $48.00 in his wallet. She tried to take it away from him, and told him he was not allowed to have it, but he insisted that he may need to buy something. Not being allowed to drive was devastating enough, but now he isn't allowed to carry money ? He pinched that money HARD and crammed it back in his wallet and said "I may need this, and I'm keeping it."....GO GRANDDADDY !!!!!!

I told mother, if you would simply explain to him WHY they don't want the residents to have it, he would probably be just fine with the idea, but this came at him as if he weren't CAPABLE of handling money.

I told her also, that he still has his mind. Most of his dignity has been robbed from him, and whether he is able to live alone or not, he is still a man, and he knows what is going on around him. If he is able to walk again, he is eligible for assisted living, and better yet, if he is walking - we can bring him here, which plans are already in the works for that anyway.

It is difficult for her to see him like this, but I go behind her constantly and explain things to him...and I know he appreciates it. I have a soft spot for the elderly. Especially the elderly that are in the same place in their lives that he is. In college, some of my many term papers and speeches were on this very thing. Nursing home care, dementia, family responsibility for elderly, and recognizing emotions of stroke patients.

With everything else aside, he is my Granddaddy, and I am fortunate that he is still here, and I love him. I just don't want to EVER see his feelings hurt.

I will make the drive again next weekend, and count down the days until we're able to bring him home for good.

Shopping With Mother

Steve and I set out early this morning to see about a water leak (he is on call) and drove through some of the most beautiful county I've seen in a long time. Long dirt lanes with trees overhanging. Places I long to live. Maybe someday we'll find that place. For now, we'll deal with what we have.

When we got back home, the storms kept threatening, but he wanted to try and mow before the rains started. Just as he was approaching the lawn mower shed the rains let loose. Goody !! I thought to myself, we can go out for breakfast !!! We loaded up in the truck, "Lets get this over with..." he mumbles, I am grinning ear to ear. So a HUGE breakfast at his buddy's restaurant, and as it turned out, several of his friends from school stopped in too, so he was glad. As I listened to him visit with them about all the brush he was going home to burn from all of the downed trees, I knew that out trip to the mega hardware/farm store was shot - so I called mother. She was just beside us shopping, so when we finished our meals I had him drop me off at the store. I'm glad too, because this is a second hand store, clothing, bedding, mattresses, ANTIQUE DRESSERS WITH THE HUGE MIRRORS AND SIDE DRAWERS (another post about mine that is gone now)...and I loved it.

I went to her house for a bit, and then we were on our way. Excellent shopping day - and at the checkout I told the little guy - "I bet he won't send me after his jeans alone next time !" We all got a good chuckle. I love hardware stores - that is odd to some of you probably, but I could spend all day dreaming of outdoor paradise in the works in those stores.

After we left, we stopped by the seafood market for fresh fish fillets, (I had promised the crew a fish fry tonight, and we haven't been fishing in eons - ) but the selection today was unusually poor. Mother decided she was hungry, so off we were down the main drag of Fort Smith's eateries, when she mentioned Granddaddy's suits. Apparently, the laundry lady at the nursing home WASHED his suits in HOT WATER in the machine. So they are ruined. He insists on suit and tie everyday. He's 94. Whatever he wants, I figure, he'll get, and we will see to it. This led to a drop in at the mall, JC Penneys for suits for him and new slacks. Very fruitful there also, as mother reminded me that she hadn't gotten my birthday gift yet, and all summer stuff is 50 - 60 % off...Goody again ! Two new pajamas in the most incredible fabric. I'm happy now.

Rushed home to shower and enjoy the 2nd day of our 3 days alone time - since the fish fry was cancelled due to rain, and his father called. He was on his way home and wanted to drop off a saddle that Steve had bought from him, so we said "Come on over."

At the hardware store, I bought clothesline. And Katherine, you were right, all I had to do was show it to Gene, and he said "I'll have a clothesline made for you..".... Goody again. He also took the 3 new bluebird houses to drill the holes for the screws so I can put them up. One of our houses is full of babies...I'm a bird watcher too. I love it. I only wish that I were mature enough when Grandmother was here to enjoy this with her. It was a passion to her too.

Gene left, and I showered, and now I'm in the new pajamas !

I called mother and told her to let Granddaddy know that we bought the new suits. I will take them down weekend after next when I go to the all day singing at Grandmother's graveside. I've never been to one, but mother said she went often as a child, and truly enjoyed them. She said they have food on the grounds and sing hymns all day.

I haven't heard from the teenager yet, so I guess he is faring well in the city. Mother called last night and said that a sheriff had been to my rent house (across the street from her) , apparently looking for someone who used to live there, and before he left, she gave him a "what-for" for scaring her so badly. She instantly thought that something had happened to one of us on the road. He left, apologizing to her profusely and promising that he'd never scare her again. This is funny, especially since she's 5'1, and weighs 95 lbs soaking wet. Poor mother, how dare he.

This has been a good day, and the time we have been able to spend together was much needed. ....Not to mention when he is in agreement with me always helps....:) !

He's Growing Up

He'll go on his first BIG away trip this weekend without me. I have always gone, baseball tournaments, State championships, District finals.

This isn't one of those though. There is a skate competition in Little Rock this weekend. The store that is sponsoring him have let him work for them a few nights to allow him to earn extra money for food and such while away.

I am ok with him going, I know he's good, and should his Demo get used in commercials and so forth, then his equipment will also be provided, which is always good for the pocket book. I just hate that he will be riding that distance with young drivers. And Little Rock is no picnic either.

I am a little sad that he chose this over the college baseball team this summer, but there again, it is his choice, and as long as they are behaving, and there are plenty of adults with them, I'll untie the apron string for two days. But no promises after that. Not for a little while.

Thursday

Horrible evening, and nothing worth posting today.

I seem to be ignored by these men around me right now.

Their promises, their neediness, their whining has gotten the better of me, and I feel like an old wet hen about to clear out the entire coop.

You know, I purchased a sign at Pickle's Gap this past weekend that says "NO ONE KNOWS WHAT I DO, UNTIL I DON'T DO IT"...I feel like tattooing this on their foreheads.

And off I go - still at noon - running errands, paying bills, making sure the wheat is sown for the flour to be made into dough..........

My Evening

When I got to Steve's last night, I put a roast on, on top of the stove this time, like mother used to do. I warned everyone that I had no idea what time it would be ready, and they were just going to have to wait. Salt, pepper, onion, water. Simply delicious. (2 1/2 hours done)..Yeast rolls in the oven and baked potatoes. Hoping for leftovers for lunch today, but discovered my teenage son wiped it out when he came in last night.

I mentioned the camping trip, and if both homes are in order, we'll go the weekend of the 4th. I plan to call today and reserve a slip with electric and water hook up just in case. We won't be far from home, but away from home all the same. I think we managed 30 minutes of alone time last night. There are many many conversations that have yet to happen. Conversations that need to take place before we move back in.

I completed 3 loads of laundry, leaving only 2, but that is only until I pull down all of the curtains and run them through.

I have been begging for a clothes line for nearly 3 years. I have decided to get in touch with his father and ask for help. These quilts and linens are much fresher when dried on the line.

At least the sun is shining today, warm and breezy. Perhaps more outside chores can be finished today.

Hmmmmm, Another Holiday Approaches

And another 3 day weekend !!!

Wonder if I can get him out on the road again ?

With everything coming at us at once, it will do us good to get away again. We haven't had a moment's peace in two weeks.

A sneaking off and camping trip or no - a FISHING trip. That's what I want. Will have to start working on that one.

Strange Dream Again

Well, here I am again - not making sense of the children running between the smokehouse and the chicken coop with bags of gold coins from the house.

Jumping the fence to the waiting buckboard wagon...very long hot ride past several ponds and lakes. The sun golden and sending sparkling ripples that blind me when I try to look.

The mosquitoes are terrible, but no relief.

I blink, and when I open my eyes, I'm in an old Victorian home, the messy children with clay and paint all over then, they look like miniature Mozart's complete with the tall messy white wigs. The lady of the house directs them to the washrooms, but they are confused. A small girl takes them one by one by hand and washes them for dinner.

And I wake up.

Perception

Some time back, I posted on 'Truth or Fiction', and I think I am at that place again.

As easily as I believe something to be the truth, the one beside me may feel just as strongly that it is fiction, and there is no middle ground. We, as humans, are able to conceive ideas, thoughts, opinions, and mold them into what we believe to be the truth.

As the old adage says, history often repeats itself.

And here we are again. Although new settings, new cast members, even new scripts, the story line is the same. The punchline in the end will not leave you laughing however, it will often leave you out of wind and in tears.

Be cautious.

Distance yourself.

Refuse to be drawn in. It is your safety at risk.

Another Dream

Another strange dream last night - and I don't know what to make of it, but will post about it and maybe some day it will come to me. My granddaughters and daughter were in this weekend for a visit. Last night was their last night here, so the two older girls wanted to sleep with Nanna, and we told them it was ok. The house was still full of guests in the kitchen and out by the patio furniture at 10:25 pm, so I took the girls inside for baths and pajamas. I allowed them out once more to tell everyone goodnight before we retired to the living room for one more cartoon. It wasn't long, maybe about 15 minutes, I noticed both girls were asleep, and just as I was trying to maneuver out of the recliner, Macenzie's dead weight and all, the door to the front entry flew open and smacked right into the back of the recliner...then wind and rain and hail began pounding the house. I called my son to help me up, and to close the door. When he came into the living room, he said, "I think another tree fell over outside just now". This will make three large, older trees, completely uprooted and laid down. I put Macenzie in our bed, and went out to the back porch to see which tree had fallen, and found it filled with people, waiting the storm out. One guest's truck was only inches from the path of the tree. My corn was not so lucky. I managed to make my way back toward the front of the house, through the entry and to the front room on the north side of the house...I remembered there was a window just above the garden, and hopeful the outside light would be enough to show me what I needed to see. Unfortunately - it was just as the boys all told me. The door slammed behind me. Bryton had come back through the living room and noticed the same door open that I had asked him to shut and shut me out. Only the flashes of lightening guided me through the maze of boxes across the floor. Finally everyone left, and we all settled in for the night. It was so dark and black and then we lost power on top of it, but thankfully when I got the candles lit just in time for the power to be restored. Once all was settled, I finally went to sleep on the couch in the back den. I dreamed that the tree had indeed fallen, but that all rows of corn had moved into vertical rows, and that each branch that touched the ground was supporting the tree, and not one single plant was harmed. We were amazed and Steve's Dad told me something, I can't remember what it was now - or why - other than he had never seen anything like it. I remember in my dream taking pictures of it, and so proud I was showing them at work of my beautiful rows of corn and how God had preserved them.