My world

Plans

Deciding that there is no point lamenting on the outcome of the election - I am moving forward. IF the men go to the deer woods this weekend, the women are going on all day trip. We plan to get up early - get the little ones dressed - pack the camera and head to the new Lake Fort Smith in Mountainburg. I want to take lots of pictures and when we've seen everything, we plan to go back across Hwy 71 - scenic route of course, to Hwy 59 South and visit the Janet Huckabee Nature Center in Barling. After our adventures, we plan to eat at my daughter's and my favorite Mexican restaurant in Fort Smith - (El Zarape). We have not eaten there since she was pregnant with Jeidyn. We'll be full and exhausted by then (both girls are pregnant and getting huge), so we will go home and make our grocery list for the Thanksgiving Dinner. We are planning a very large family holiday and I am so excited. For 4 years, I have wanted to do this. I wanted to go to the family deer camp and participate in the family reunion, but we have so many in this area that we'll do it up here. When everyone has found their own homes, Steve and I may travel on the holidays down south for the serenity and family down there.

Election Day

And here we are again.

In my world, 4 years ago this date, I was running back and forth from work to the house on Pebbles due to a plumbing problem, one plumber didn't show - I ran back to work, another said if I could leave right away he'd meet me there. Once the problem was corrected, I went to the fire station on Peevyhouse Road and voted. Then too, long lines, big promises.

I remember staying up until 2 in the morning, waiting for a result that I could trust. I remember visiting family down south and discovering by way of my political bumper stickers that we had a very different political view, and my lack of understanding as to what on earth they could be thinking.

We are in a messed up situation this time. No one individual will be able to correct this right away. Two years ago when the economy was flourishing so rapidly - when our state's treasury had TONS or money in it - when it looked like we were nearing the end in Iraq - a few of us grew very concerned - what goes up must come down.

And as with the Clinton Administration - many who carried a false hope - will be sadly mistaken when reality strikes. But at that point it will be too late.

November 3

So here I am again - coming back to the place I feel more comfortable. Some lessons are just not learned the first go around. I have been burned - but it was my fault - I allowed myself to be wide open and after 12 or 13 times I should have known better.

Halloween girls !

Here are a few pictures from my hectic weekend :

Kara's Shower

Oct 30

Well, Kara and Thomas moved back in. They have the front South bedroom. Anita and Brad moved back in. The are across the hall in the front North bedroom. Jeidyn and Macenzie have the back bedroom/computer room. Farrah sleeps with mom and dad temporarily on a little pallet next to them. Bryton has the couch. Steve and I hide in our bedroom when it all gets too crazy. It is a circus most nights, but it is still nice to have family around at the same time. I love these young people and they just need a stepping stone to get straight on their path again. Keeping Steve calm, that is a chore in itself but its ok. Keeping me calm - well, I stay pretty calm anyway. Planning meals - keeping the peace - petting ego's that have been hurt - loving the grand babies - working - adjusting to medication - living one day at a time.

Northern Crawford County

Lee Creek Off Barcelona Road Natural Dam

Photo Blog

The chickens were out this morning ! Since Blaze is gone, its probably ok that they roam.

My cutest nephew Baby John at the restaurant - (my flash does not work) -

More shots of the front gate at work. We are building a file for the governor, trying to keep the crossover open for safety purposes. The Arkansas Department of Transportation certainly does not mind using it to randomly check commercial vehicles. Wonder where they'll go now ?

This is a view of my office from across the hwy. I will take more and put them in - as this is where the other half of my life is lived.

And here is where the other half is spent.

Moved

The last box was moved at noon today from the house on 28th Street that I have been renting. I moved everything back in at Steve's house, except for the new furniture which went directly to storage. I will always remember this house as my refuge across the street from mother, the quiet CLEAN refuge where I had NO company but I had time to think and time to rest.

I will miss this little house, as well Jeidyn - my roommate when I moved in - but someday we will have another new home to live in.

I have moved back in with Steve to live as husband and wife and see if this is what was meant to be. We have had many many obstacles since we married, many crisis with children since we married (together there are 6 children, 3 grandchildren, 2 grandchildren on the way). These kids along with in-laws, brothers and sisters in-law, who knows an exact count of animals we have, and our jobs that leave me on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and he is on call 2 weeks out of the month, we really have had very little chance to enjoy a relationship. I miss him, but I am so worn down with everything that it is hard to make time for each other.

I hope we can get this fixed.

Still Stepping

Still stepping. Not sure sometimes why I keep losing focus or getting confused. I wanted the right thing for my kids and myself I think ?? And though there is no point in looking back at where I went wrong, I must have done something.

Sometimes I am very tired of my penance. Sometimes I think I pay everyone else's also, and I become weary.

I have one more day, today as a matter of fact to finish moving out of the house. I spent the weekend feeding and entertaining. I should have been packing and moving.

When I finished last night, I was so sad, so tired, and have no nerves left at all. I had to just sit and cry. Still crying today - can't stop - but this is the last day of moving and cleaning hopefully, so I can take a moment in a few days to breathe again.

Friday Madness

My Friday started bright and early at 12:23 am this morning. Well, Steve's did too with the telephone. I remember waking up to, "I'm not sure what you are wanting me to tell you." so I REALLY woke up and looked at the clock, and him, and he just shook his head and handed me the phone. It was for me, Tyson in Rogers. I handled the problem and laid back down.

Just asleep, the telephone rings again, this time 1:35 am. "Shannon, I checked the box and all the trailers and there is no paperwork, we are at 5 feet of oil and we have to pull." Trying my BEST not to go into the office, I assured them to pull the oil, and I would have the refinery fax the bills first thing in the morning.

I fell back asleep sometime, and then woke up to Steve standing over me with a glass of iced water telling me its time to get up again. WHY isn't this Saturday ? I thought to myself. I drug out of bed and told Steve to skip the bubble bath this morning, I was going to shower and pull up my hair and get right to work. When I looked at my cell phone on the way out the door, there were 4 missed calls on it..2:10 am, 2:25 am, 2:37 am, and 3:10 am. One from the director of the Omaha refinery, one from my supervisor, one from the OFFICE, and one from the owner of the company I work for. Now I had put the phone on my headboard in case Tyson called back, but I never heard the phone ring...my cell phone stays on the back porch or in the car, so now I'm really confused. I suppose everything with the trucks is worked out sort of - but dang what a day already.

I just know I will thoroughly enjoy my anniversary activities this weekend...if all doesn't get screwed up - I think 2 of the kids have major issues happening, and we seem to be the sounding board for it - not that I mind, but it is very exhausting sometimes. And extra work on my part to keep Steve focused on us and not the issues of young adults learning the ways of adulthood...they must learn on their own sometimes, as badly as you want to learn for them.

Hoping to get through today without any more emergencies, and planning a long night of slumber. We are supposed to leave early in the morning, have breakfast and start a short 1/2 day trip tomorrow and then move the rest of my things out for the rest of the weekend. Dinner tomorrow night (I'm so excited where he picked), and more moving and cleaning.

Wishing you all a safe weekend.

Wednesday

We had a peaceful anniversary last night. Kids from all around called looking for somewhere to go and something to do, but Steve told them it was our night and he wanted to spend it with me. He called me from work yesterday to tell me that he really wanted to take me to dinner, but we have this one week left to finish moving and both of us are exhausted already, so we agreed to a nice dinner alone this weekend. I must admit, I was very surprised when he chose the restaurant, and very pleased. I have been a few times, when my twin cousins that work for the railroad come into town, they enjoy the steaks and atmosphere. And getting out and eating together will prevent us from feeding the multitudes again.

I have made a paint color decision for the living room. I was bouncing back and forth between two but saw exactly what I wanted last night - which turns out is neither I originally wanted.I'm not telling, I will do pictures eventually when I'm finished. Still working on the front bedroom for the little girls, and maybe the living room will be next.

Mother just called and I will go have lunch with her and that cute little baby John. Breanna will be here at 3:00 to work and I have to get things in order for her. Just hoping for another peaceful evening.

September 23 2008

Three years ago today.

I married my best friend three years ago today.

I often lose sight of what we agreed upon and what we originally planned. I suppose this is odd to most of you reading this blog, simply because I have been facing issues recently with Steve, and I am wondering now if this just isn't part of marriage. I don't know. This is my first. Tradition, values, hope, blending families. Sounds nice doesn't it ? Oh boy. I think I had in mind a beautiful wedding and living hapily ever after...but real life happens doesn't it ?

I met Steve when I was determined NOT to meet anyone. I had made the decision that I was meant to be alone, I was meant to raise my children alone, and I excelled alone. I was perfectly content raising my children, pouring my heart and soul into my career. I spent many blissful evenings on my patio, waiting on the vegetables and lean meat to finish on the gas grill, enjoying Blaze's company (my boxer), and the occasional sweet sip of bourbon and cola, or unsweet iced tea, whichever the menu called for. The peaceful relaxing evenings. I was perfectly content alone on my patio. This was blissful.

My daughter came back into town, and dropped off my oldest granddaughter, and my sweet Jeidyn remained with me for several months. Dropped off as a stranger to a stranger, we developed a bond that will never be broken. Life became a little busier, but also it was filled with a little more love also. And Miss Jeidyn enjoyed the evenings on the patio with her Nanna. She loved to be outside as much as her Nanna did. She loved her Uncle Bryton's baseball life as much as her Nanna also. We were happy.

I had come to the place in my life where I knew that all of the pain and heartache I had survived in the past shaped me into who I was, and the reason I lived through the heartache was so that I could be stronger on my own, and finally have peace.

My daughter came back into our lives, with a new beau, but one with a familiar last name. I had known his first cousin Shane since he was thirteen years old, being one of the partners in crime that my daughter had bonded with in her earlier years. Shane was always welcome in our home. I knew that even though they were only friends, that Shane would always take care of Anita - like a sister - no matter what.

So when Anita showed up with Shane's first cousin, and asked permission to take Jeidyn with her to meet Shane's father, I was open to the idea. I asked her to call Shane and let me talk to him, to make sure that is where she was going. It was supper time and Jeidyn would require a bath and pajamas shortly, and I was not standing for any disruption to our schedule. The call was made, the verification confirmed, and I allowed her to take Jeidyn to meet Shane's father. Shane assured me that he and his father only lived a few blocks from me.

The next afternoon Anita called me to tell me that she needed assistance with her personal income taxes, so I agreed to bring a tax form to her the following day and help her complete the information. I drove up, saw Shane on a mule, being led by his father out in the horse corral, Jeidyn was running around playing with a young man I would come to know as John Paul. I left the paperwork with Anita and asked her call me later in the evening so that I could go over the form with her.

Anita called that evening and told me that they were going to have a bar-b-que the following weekend, that she would really like for me to go with her. I told her no at first, everyone other than Shane were strangers to me, and I was happy with my own grill, my own patio, my own space. She begged and insisted, using Jeidyn as her bargaining chip since she was having the time of her life with all of the horses and chickens and goats. I questioned her insistence, and agreed to stop by, but should I feel like this was a set up to meet someone she may as well forget it I was out of there.

The weekend rolled around and I went to the cookout. I must admit, once Shane's father and I began visiting and playing with the kids, I felt so comfortable with him. We shared the same political beliefs, the same family values, the same opinions on broken families and the damage they cause for everyone. When I noticed the time it was well after midnight, so I excused myself and drove the few blocks home.

The next time I went there and we talked, we discovered we also had the same hopes for the future, neither wanting to date or meet someone, doing just fine alone. We discovered we both love nature, the outdoors, animals, hunting and fishing, the woods, the children.

I remember only a few short months later, Steve proposed to me in his kitchen. I covered up his mouth and stopped him - I told him I was happy and if he asks me to marry him it will ruin everything. He said, "No Shannon. This is right, you know it is right."

We went the next afternoon and bought my engagement ring. We went to his mother's house to let her in on the news, and at her home, Steve formally proposed on one knee in front of the family. We were unable to tell the children at this time, and chose to wait until just before the wedding to announce and send out invitations because of personal issues, but everyone was present other than my son. My father married us, my grandfather gave me away.

And so here we are.

I am taking time today to reflect on the beginning, to take it all in, to remember that this marriage is about us, and our future.

Monday

Friday after work I went straight to Steve's, showered and got dressed for the fair. I have not been in 10 or 11 years, or at least that's the best I can remember, Anita (my daughter) was only 11 or 12 years old.

I know that Steve hated to go - that he was only trying to appease me after the week I had made it through. We had a very nice time. We went with another couple and brought along a very dear friend - like a brother to me and it was really nice. I could have spent more time looking at the Greek guys preparing my GYRO, but they probably get that all the time - seeing as how they are like mythological gods you know.

I spent Saturday mostly in tears - not from anyone ONE thing actually - I think it was a combination of everything. My son was rude to me - let me know his opinion of my moving back in with Steve, and allowed as how the rest of my family agrees. So with hurt feelings, I made the rounds of calls, to find out who and why they would discuss my decision with Bryton - but no one knew what I was talking about ? Could just be family drama and it could just be a 17 year old trying to bully me. Its getting to the point now that I have to shut down emotionally for awhile because they are all driving me to sheer insanity...I managed to get the couch, recliner, mattresses, and the new dining table put into storage. The rest is just boxes.

Went home to paint, and when the guys opened the paint can - it was green paint - not white. So that didn't get done.

Found out this morning that Anita is having a boy, and I'm SO happy !

Tuesday

This is my third day on the combination of all four medications - its pretty interesting - and until they all learn to work together, I'm half nuts most mornings. My most difficult time with it is remembering which to take with 16 oz of water on an empty stomach, and which to take when on a full stomach, and then one that does not matter - and the fourth is just "TAKE AS NEEDED", so it gets left out most of the time. I will admit, this is working well with the new eating habits - and hopefully the weight will start just "MELTING melting melting "

Had another quiet night last night - rested - watched tv. I think there were about 7 guests out back and then well - there's always Steve - but I didn't whip up the supper magic - or offer to feed the multitudes - I just rested in the house - on the couch, got the kitchen cleaned up - and worked on laundry for a little bit. I even closed up that side of the house - (one good thing about the old 100 year old farm houses) - BIG heavy wooden door to block off the whole company mess- the kitchen - back porch - den - dining room - etc. I may not have been the southern hostess - but oh well - Tuesday night ? On a work night ? Nope. Not me. AND no one called first - they just all showed up. I don't normally mind - but not last night..Nope. Not me.

I have two weeks to get the painting done - rearrange the storage building and move the front room out.

The granddaughters are calling wanting to visit - but I have to make them wait until I get completely moved - and Jeidyn (the oldest) won't have time off from school until October.

Hopefully it won't be long, and I can play with them. I miss them terribly !

Monday 9/15

I spent most of the night Saturday night with Brianna, sitting on the back porch/room watching the storm blow in. We talked for several hours and I enjoyed every minute of it. She is a very well put together girl - with the right attitude, a good head on her shoulders, almost like a mini-adult. I needed this time to get a broader picture of these kids' lives. I spent the majority of this time with her listening - not dishing out advice - just listening. She'll figure this one out on her own. I remember meeting her - I chaperoned a choir trip for one of Steve's daughters a few years ago, and Brianna was one of the Jr High girls I was responsible for. She has kept the same path that she told me about back then. I give her BIG credit, as she is just now turning 18.

Yesterday, we made great progress moving out old furniture, and some extra pieces that we do not have room for or space for. I am getting more excited each day to get the painting finished and get the house put back in order.

I woke up this morning, after a completely BLISSFUL night on our new mattresses - and went outside for my coffee - and it was 58 degrees !!! A little cool for my tank top and silk pants but it was wonderful ! THIS is my favorite time of year ! Now I'm REALLY excited !

Little Hummingbird

Steve was working out in the shop yesterday at the Water Dept and two of the office ladies came out and went into a full panic.

There was a hummingbird that had somehow gotten between the florescent lighting and the rafters, and could not make his way out, bouncing back and forth. Steve told the ladies that he would get a ladder, but more than likely it will hit the burning lights before he can get to it.

When he turned around he heard a thump and looked around. The tiny hummingbird hit the floor.

He picked it up, removed the cobwebs and dust webs from its little beak, and rubbed out its feathers on its back, and he said it had the tiniest feet, but they were wrapped up with webbing too, so he gently freed the feet, and the bird flew off !!!!! It was saved.

This seems small, but I wonder if I look really hard, each day - can I find something small that means so much, and will be really big for others ?

Planning

Tom's funeral was today. B.J. (his wife) held up pretty well. I haven't been able to get over the fact that they finally found each other, married, and began their life together and in an instant he was gone. It seems such a shame. They are both very good people.

I contact the funeral home, and have a packet to fill out to pre plan and pre pay funerals for Steve and me. Our affairs seem to be more up in the air than handled or even close to being in order. Hopefully, it will be years before we are faced with this ourselves, but from what I have lived lately, you truly never know.

Leaving Here

One thing that really stuck with me when John Paul died, was how unexpected it really was, and no one was prepared - financially or emotionally - to tend to the funeral arrangements and make the necessary decisions. Things were not taken care of - long term things, and it left so much up in the air.

Tom's wife just stopped by, and this is so sad. They have not been married a year yet. Thank goodness her daughter has been able to take off work to help her. She is one of the sweetest people I have ever met in my life.

I will be spending time with her, helping her through, so I won't be blogging much, but will stop in and out for a bit.

Thankful

Thankful for the little girl who lost her shoe - her new shoes for school, and the phone call from her mother, in tears because they bought new shoes for each girl, and that was all the money they had. Thankful that I had the money to run to Wally World and UPS.

Thankful that Steve didn't listen when I asked him to bring in the rug my sister gave to me for the front room I'm redecorating. I knew the rain was coming, and we had it spread out to air out outdoors, and I repeatedly asked him to move it inside. Although the rain got to the rug, had it been in the room on the floor I would not have found the water leak inside the house, for the rug would have hidden it. We can dry the rug and have it cleaned much easier than removing mold from it.

Thankful for my southern roots, for they are what makes me who I am, and who my family is.

New Meds / Old Reaction

Started on the new medication yesterday that they sent home with me. I have always been very sensitive to ANY medication because I rarely even take a Tylenol, so they all affect me pretty strongly. I have allergic reactions to medications that are supposed to treat allergic reactions, go figure.

I took my medicine at noon yesterday, and I could not tell that any reactions were creeping up, so I went about my day.

For supper, I had a salad - not the kind I REALLY like, just plain lettuce, salt/pepper, fresh tomatoes from the garden, fresh cucumber and a slice of deli roast beef chunked in it. No happy dressing, no boiled egg, no cheese. I got full - and I guess that is what counts.

Being a southern cook, this whole triglyceride mess has me dumbfounded - kind of. Until I spoke to my daughter last night. I explained to her that I never fry anything - if I do, its only in vegetable oil - but its so rare that I fry - then she brought me back to reality....."Mom, you use bacon grease when you cook your green beans, your butter beans, your eggs, your chicken fried steak...isn't that saturated animal fat ?" HELLO ? Yes. She's right. So I start over.

Steve has been really nice about accepting the grilled foods, the roasted foods, the steamed foods - as long as he has meat and potatoes and vegetables and oh - lets not forget ketchup - he is good to go. Kind of sad for me...someone who loves to cook, and takes great pride in it.

Now I'm rethinking the whole cooking thing. I can eat meat still - but the odd thing, is any animal by product - milk - cheese - ranch dressing ??? Odd to me, until we get these numbers down...no breads but I can eat oatmeal - and as much oatmeal as I want - but what good is oatmeal without milk on it ?

Then bedtime. I wasn't sleepy, then I was sleepy. Steve has been sick for several days so I tried not to wake him up. I could NOT get comfortable, hot and cold, almost like fever. Trying not to disturb him didn't work - He sat up in bed and said, "They told me at work you would do this on this medication. They said you'd be hot and cold, uncomfortable and you'd be miserable." So here I wonder - and I pondered for a long time - maybe trying to control this with diet - but that won't work because this is hereditary - and my numbers are off the charts...so I will give it a few more days - and see if it levels out - and then try a different medication. My doctor told me if I didn't like it to call him and he would immediately change it.

I feel crazy. Guess I'm just getting old.

Sat Aug 30

I have been snapping pictures, unpacking, resting, running errands today - but it was a very good day....I can't download pictures on here yet - but will - AFTER the weekend.

Hope you all are enjoying the beginning of the holiday also.

Weekend Holiday

We aren't doing the family Labor Day tradition this year. I'm thinking a picnic - ALONE - and maybe a creek trip too. MAYBE even wet a hook. Keeping my fingers crossed.

August 28th's events

Well, lets see. After two weeks of rain, the house on 28th street was nearly waist high, and the mower has been down, so after $50 for a belt, another $20 for gasoline (remember the last jug was emptied by the ghost), Steve finally got the lot and the yard mowed. I worked on the inside, trying to pack the new set of dishes in the box they came in - which I knew when I started they will never go back in just like there were when you bought them...but I nearly got all of them in.

Turning to begin removing pictures from the walls, I thought something looked odd, out of place - so I moved a picture of Jeidyn, and this is what I found.

My flash does not work, but you can see it. The lower one obviously done by a skateboard - and well - the top - a head or fist.

So, another list begins of 'Things for Shannon to Fix Before She Moves Forward'.

I looked in the kitchen cabinets again, trying to take an inventory of pots, pans, utensils, knives and appliances, just to get an idea of what faces me when I get the boxes ready, and I honestly don't know where alot of this stuff will go. But me, the 'Queen' of throwing out - or giving away - knows where it will go now, and where it will be most useful. I called my daughter in Tulsa, and asked her what she may need. "Well, we only have 4 knives, and well you saw what some call a microwave, and so anything you can spare I will use." I told her that the next trip down, Please have the trunk cleaned out, and don't let mother send anything home with her and we will load up.

This only takes care of part of it, but it was progress. Steve's oldest daughter has recently married and they have rented a home in Fort Smith. Before the latest 'cold war' began, I offered these items, along with pieces of furniture to the newlyweds, but they chose to go the rent-to-own route, (as did many of us, and all of us learned a valuable and expensive lesson), but now have decided that this was not the way they should have done things. Steve got on the phone and offered to let them have some things again, and we will see how this one turns out. (Remember - lacking my assistance is going to be a challenge that he isn't prepared for). Don't get me wrong, I could care less if they have the items, I prefer someone have them that can use them - and I believe they will use them. Its just hard to swallow when you are being kind, GIVING away free stuff, and then you are hung up on AGAIN.

"So do they want the stuff or not Steve ?"

"Yes they want it, she is just being rude.."

"Rude? Ok. I'll leave this one alone."

So I bit my tongue. Again.

He knew. I didn't even have to say it.

When we were at the house on 28th, he made the comment that we were moving me out asap - over the weekend.

"Steve, I am paying the rent for September. I am paying the utilities for September. We have nowhere to put any of this stuff - remember? All the help that has been promised that has failed to show up ? I will NOT put my stuff in another front bedroom and live this way for any longer. You will help me get the stuff out of the rooms up there, and put them in the storage building that we are paying for - because that is what we are paying for it for - and after everything is cleaned, primed, and painted, I will put these items up there. So - you don't have to panic - you have one month."

And I'm sure after this weekend of NON WORK I will be blogging about what did not get done - but just for today, I'm going to enjoy my sunny day and cross my fingers, hope for the best and go out for Mexican Food !

We moved Granddaddy down last week. I promised him last night that I'd come and fix his lunch a few times next week to give mother a break, and we'll get in some really good visiting. You should see him now. Eating solid food - (the care facility had him on puree'), CLEANING his plate every meal, and is going to town on his walker. I'm so glad we did this. This is where he is meant to be. And at 94, I believe now he's going to outlive all of us yet ! And this is FINE with me !!

Learning the Seasons

I'm here at work today, trying to get a grasp on everything around me. It is true that I made the decision to stand firm and move forward. It is true that I made the decision to remove myself from the path of drama when concerning one individual. What is not clear, or should I say, what I am wrestling with currently is the shifting sand surrounding the situation.

The only solution I can muster up, is to sit back and watch the latest and greatest events unfold and let him shoulder the complete burden. When he is unable to deflate the situation, and turns to me for assistance, I will have to let him stand alone. The conflict comes in my decision to be his wife, and stand beside him...and I struggle with letting him fall, which he will, as he has many times when crushed in these situations. But I can't live honestly and still condone the behavior, so all I can come up with is allow it to happen, not intervene, not make suggestions, refuse to go out of my way, and reject requests for financial help.

This may make me a 'bad' wife, but I can't allow those circumstances which are out of my control break me down again.

Alpha Male

Ok, so I may be too sensitive, but I just don't like it. Dutchess (our mama goat) is in heat apparently, and the two boy goats, (left is Buck, right is Billy) are really acting ridiculous. I don't like it - I know its nature.

Same here. This is the Apaloosa. Dominant male of the horses so far. The other horses have been cut, he has too - but not before he sired two colts, so he knows what its all about, but can't do anything about it - and if I thought the goats were bad - he is something else. His name is Lucky. For some reason, he is Jeidyn's favorite horse. Not mine.

Even the roosters with their dance, and prancing around - then BAM !

I just can't get used to it. But I look at things going on around me. I know that a mother's first instinct is to protect her babies. And the male - seems like sometimes is there for the breeding purpose, not the children or babies. Maybe I should watch a little longer. It may shed some light on a few things.

The Creek

Saturday morning, I woke Steve up at 6, "Lets go right now. Lets go wake up the boys - we promised." John John (the oldest) was awake when we got there - so I climbed in bed with James. I petted him and talked to him, and finally said, "Are you going with Nanna Shannon and Papa Steve or do you want to stay here ?" He sprang up - grinned so big, and jumped in my arms.

When we left there, we stopped at the Mill Pond Creek where I took the photos last weekend.

"I want to get out. I want to go down to the water this time." So Steve stopped the truck, and we played on the bridge, waded below the cans, and the boys dropped rocks in the upper side and ran to the low point where the cans spit out the rocks to the pool. The boys were fascinated for about one hour. I did get good shots.

This is the old Butterfield bridge. The old stage route heading north. I'd like to get a closer look, maybe even on top, but the rocks are so slippery and I had my sandals on.

When we left there, we went to Katherine's favorite creek, Lee Creek. Now I'm not sure if her favorite spot was the canoe landing or not, but that is where I wanted to go, mainly to take pictures for her, so that she may look at them and find tranquility.

These are for you Katherine....

After they made it across, they came back for me. I waded almost half way up stream with them, the water just as clear as glass, but it never got above their chests.

Then the rains came, me in the middle of the creek, sun shining, boys squealing. It was absolutely beautiful.

This fawn watched us leave. We stopped the truck and even talked to it and it kept listening. I think it was John Paul's doing, his way of saying thank you for spending time with the boys.

I have not been in a creek, believe it or not, with my feet wet and clothes drenched since I was 9 or ten years old. I needed this. I will do this again.

My Weekend

Saturday morning, my father-in-law and brother-in-law dropped off my new (used) clothesline. Steve wanted to load up and go get gasoline for the mowers and the Bronco, so I used the opporitunity to make him go to the grocery store with me. When budgeting household expenses, (which apparently he has never done or someone has taken care of it for him), I try to explain the cost of food, paper products, gasoline, and our lunch money for the week. Somehow he has always figured in utility payments, rent, vehicle payments and insurance, and the buck stops there. He left IGA quite baffled at the small amount of food, but the enormous bill.

When we got home, he began mowing, and I went about cleaning, folding and hanging clothes, switching out laundry, sweeping floors. After the lawnmower belt broke, he came in for a break, and I informed him that the phones had been ringing off of the hook. I was not answering because I knew that th individuals were not calling for me. They have made it clear to me they wish no part of my input or presence in their lives.

He called them back, and of course, they needed money. And he gave in.

I insisted on a trip - I had to get out of this nonsense - away from the phone, and away from the situation for some peace and nature..so here are some shots of the lake.

When we got home, Tiffany showed up with John Paul's sons. I have been very worried about these little guys since the funeral. John was a HUGE part of their lives. We will keep them next weekend.

They seem to be ok, playing and playing. John John, the older will start kindergarten today.

Drive Up North

Oak Bower Road out of Rudy. Its not as clear as I intended, but I was trying to show the steep grade of the dirt road and the mountains in the background. It really was beautiful.

Swimming hole off Millpond Road. It looks like it is only about 5 feet deep right now, but you can see the bottom.

I wish I would have gotten out and waded this one. I didn't see any snakes around, this water was very clear also.

This area made me want to be camping, and wading, and cooking outside. I want to follow this on through to where it meets Lee Creek.

I wish it would have focused more...but I needed the out.