Changes

How quickly things change.

I got word this morning of some things that Steve did in his past that have me really really re-thinking this whole thing. He was younger - yes, but sometimes people really don't change.

He is trying very hard to prove to me that he loves me and that everything that has gone wrong was his doing.

Still - I have to re-think some things. I'm going to back off- I'm going to explain to him that I have to stay home for awhile - in the midst of all of the clean up and gardening, I just don't know how I feel.

Today's view

Adding in the fact that I did in fact get some of the seeds in the ground makes things better. I feel like I'm moving forward.

Bryton spend Friday night with me at Steve's and has gone over there nearly every night since, even last night while I stayed home. I am glad they are hanging out - but still taking my time.

I am at a point now, that once everything is finished over there - the clean up- the windows, etc, that we are ready to move back in...we'll see..right now, I'm going to focus on the outside as soon as the weather will allow.

I just wonder, being with all of the confusion of two sets of groceries, two sets of utilities, two homes of responsibility, that I have bitten off more than I can chew. I just hope that when things die down I will be allowed to rest some more.

City Girl vs Country Girl

Driving through the city a long forgotten excitement came back to me... I miss Austin I miss Dallas I miss the 'hub-bub' The stores, the eateries The side-street boutiques.

I miss the skyscrapers and the high-rise apartments.

The long forgotten dream of a penthouse suite, with sparse furniture

Modern art on the walls

Slate floors, luxurious bathrooms.

Loneliness, however is unbearable

Even surrounded by thousands of people.

Yes, I miss it, I crave it occasionally

But this Army brat loves home.

Home Sweet Home

Made it back fine, safely, everyone delivered back to their homes ok..drove into Van Buren, went to Steve's, unloaded mom's car at his house, took out my laundry and his belongings, reloaded mom's car, drove to my house, unloaded the rest, drove up the hill to mom's to return the car, and expected a short 'gotta run' visit. This short visit ended up turning into eating dinner with them, going over the weekend's events, the 20 million questions about my daughter and granddaughters - some of the same questions 2 or 3 times asked. After escaping, I walked home, visions of a very hot bubble bath dancing in my head, but oh no - course not - the refrigerator is empty, the car needs to be test driven.. No rest yet. After the dreaded trip to the grocery store I put away the food, showered quickly, and thought "one slice of butter cake, glass of milk, finally - rest - bed - sleep ". Wrong. This urge to grab my journal again and scribble the crazy rambling thoughts down overtook me. Subject after subject, theme after theme, so off to scribbling I went. Sometime early this morning, bed was wonderful, my own covers, my own pillow, my own world again.

Organize

Will get my thoughts organized today, with what little time I have left at the office, I will organize my desk and tasks for tomorrow to make sure that all responsibilities are done. Thursday and Friday are my busiest days, and since I hope to take off Friday, I have to ensure that I'm finished tomorrow....so... Once I leave, I have to go by the store, get to the house before the hail hits, then to those tasks. I will need to make a list for Steve also - I won't go there tonight because of the hail, but he will have to get his things out also so that I may pack them. Anyway, on to dinner, then dishes and mop the kitchen, put up remaining laundry and separate my things to pack for this weekend. I will clean out the remaining items from my car and put them in the storage, then clean the leather, windows, and dash.... Hopefully tomorrow night will only be packing , finishing laundry and a long hot bubble bath before bed. That way I can have Friday to relax, and then hit the road Saturday.... This is kind of humorous - since we aren't going any further than up the road a piece - but I'm taking in every little minute of it...I finally get out of here - not on errands - or for duties - but to relax...and visit, and shop, and go out and eat !!!

On the Road Again

Will leave Saturday to go to see Steve's kids, and I think he'll help his ex wife and son get a fallen tree out of their way - and should she need any other "man" stuff done, he and his son will knock it out for her. She truly has become a friend, and although there are bad past occurrences, I feel it is not too much for Steve to lend a hand, regardless of anything. She is the mother of his children, his children live there, and I believe a small hand once in awhile is not asking too much.

I have instructed everyone that I do not wish to make plans - lets go with the flow. We can't check into the motel until 3pm, but if we work outdoors, shop and visit - then we will be ready for showers and dinner just in time to get settled.

My girls live just north of where we'll be getting the room, and I'm so excited to see the babies I just can't stand it. I have GOT to stay out of the stores though, I've already bought outfits again and need to put some money back for the trip...its so hard to say no. You should see the little girl outfits at the store nowadays.

I have yet to plant the garden, my chore for this evening, but we've had a steady rain since I woke up this morning...so planting is out. Oh well, will get some laundry in.

I had a great evening yesterday. Steve came to my house and mowed while I grilled steaks, and then we enjoyed drinks on the deck, looked at some real estate for sale that I printed and took home, and had a nice visit. After he left, I talked to Daddy on the phone for over an hour, then mother, and got into bed by 9. Bryton woke me up at 10:30 to tell me he was spending the night with Allen, but was in bed when I left for work this morning.

I'm hoping that today remains normal, peaceful, and raining. The rain seems to calm me.

Spring has Sprung

We got the garden tilled finally, and have planned to plant tomorrow evening, weather permitting - but forecast doesn't look friendly, and Steve called this morning and said the roofers will begin work this week - and most likely leave trash. BUT I am looking at the positive - no doubt - wet, rain soaked ground will be full of nutrients also, just messy to work with.

Granddaddy fell again yesterday and mother is sitting on "go" to see about getting to Conway, which for me may mean taking off work and working for Toni in mother's place, and catch up later here at the office.

I may not be blogging much this week, due to the urgency of his situation, and the need to get the duties here caught up. But today is a good day - and I look forward to this entire week, knowing it will be a good week.