Collective Energy

Starting from the bottom and working my way to the top, searching for the 'cheat codes' in order to get to the end of this level quickly, I may have rediscovered some truth that has been long forgotten.

Knowing ,"To thine own self be true", and , "A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." Somewhere in the distraction - somewhere in the cluster of emergencies and family crisis I seem to wrap my soul up tight in, I leave Shannon behind.

My friend told me a few days ago, "You have to find some relief - for your own sake" and looking back, only one day later told me, "You are a bit of a martyr, don't let them use you up until there is nothing left." And right she is.

Just before I sent my response to her, and proof read my message, I realized - I was all over the place...it hit me right in the face - and it seemed to scream - "Poor me, feel sorry for me, I am angry, I am hurt, I have been the victim of an injustice " but as I kept reading, I realized that I had in fact, in the same note, proclaimed to be strong and independent and really on the right path to finding my own justice.

I spent the last few nights at the rent house on 28th Street, not only to try and recover from my illness - or get away from the circus at Steve's, but to rest and gather my bearings. These feelings, these days, as I have seen before are the beginnings of a downward spiral in my mind and body and soul. Apparently I have worn down my immune system to the point that I can't fight off this infection, and I was so exhausted that I could no longer rest or sleep. I had to hide out for a couple of days and pull myself together.

I don't think I'm all together yet - I know I'm not - but I have rediscovered a truth...

I have to take care of ME. I have to start at the bottom, with health. Exercise is giving me more energy. Fresh raw vegetables and fruit for breakfast and snacks, and tons of water.

After health, we'll see. I'm not sure past that point, and I am not going to focus past that just yet. One step at a time - and the next will fall into place.

I am going to take the time to visit the river again. I will sit on the dock and absorb my surroundings. I will wet a hook and hopefully get lucky. I will plan on Saturday morning driving to the new Lake Fort Smith in Mountainburg. I would like to have a picnic. Even if I go alone. Even if I'm upset that they ruined the best crappie fishing spot in Arkansas for "PROGRESS". I want to go.

I want to take a drive up north through the winding dirt roads, and follow Hwy 59 all the way to Dutch Mills and come back home. I want to relax. I want to take pictures and focus on my photo blog.

I have to start with me.