To Write

I gathered my personal files while I was trying to avoid an uncomfortable conversation at work this afternoon, and began reading through trying to appear VERY busy and absorbed so that my view on the subject would not be asked. Whimpy you say ? Not so much, just exhausted and in this office, being female negates any knowledge you have anyway, just not worth it. I became intrigued - I re-read some of my writing from a few years ago, when I first began to grab a hold of myself and revisit Shannon again before she was completely gone, and I remember those surroundings very clearly. Silly I suppose, as I don't take the time I promised myself then, and now I have no excuses. So brace yourself - I may rant and wander and probably chew on the gristle a little bit but I WILL write again. I look back at those days, and realize that things ARE different around me, my stubbornness worked, and I need to spend a little more time appreciating where I am. Though it may not be where I intend to be for long, (thinking in a positive way - like finishing school, buying a home, those sorts of things), but I have made progress, and it has been progress in the right places, the important places. Again I have let my health go, and I cringe at the thought, knowing how precious life is and knowing so many that are ill, and its too late. I feel ashamed of this, and I have an appt with my Internal Medicine Specialist Thursday to get it all looked at again. It is no one's fault but my own, having no excuse other than taking time to take care of everyone else, just not me. So I will begin tonight, writing, thinking out loud, and probably venting.