Inquest ?

So many questions. Sometimes I hate being a grown-up. THE grown-up. Longing to be at the age of innocence again. Re-learning feelings. Trusting feelings. Having faith. Knowing that God never closes one door without opening another. But trusting that this is what is meant to be....trusting that there is greater plan and it's out of my control. Remembering that it is out of my control. Struggling to reach the top - making it to the top - realizing that circumstances aren't always what they seem- or the worn-out-but-oh-so-true-cliche, 'BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR'. Getting there. Was the journey God's actual lesson ? Or did I lose sight somewhere along the way of the ultimate goal ? Trying to accept that I may need to veer off the path is very frightening. Why AM I afraid of getting in touch with my soul? Have I been away so long from myself that I am now a stranger ? CHANGE frightens me. I have to be in control. I have to take care of IT, of EVERYONE, of EVERYTHING. Frightened of slowing down. Frightened to relax. Frightened to breathe. Frightened to let go.