A Little "Peace" Of Me

I am terribly guilty of giving too much, caring too much, and trying to comfort too much. Is it really a fault ? I get in stormy situations, hence, my near mental episodes and breakdowns, but generally I have been careful to watch all around me. I have tried to be strong and cold and keep everyone out.

The better part of my younger life I kept everything in, worked hard to provide for my little family, and never paid attention to who I was or what I ultimately wanted, and the world has whizzed by.

I have tried recently to take baby steps on this journey to find my true self. I have spent hours reading and hours writing, and many more hours sitting silently not speaking to anyone, just thinking. This, you see, is a rare blessing, it seems my family is unable to function without my taking complete care of everything from A to Z, even the piddly things. I am not exaggerating either. Being mother and father for so many years has left its mark on me, and them.

I thought things were getting back to normal, if there is such a thing, and have gradually tried to work my way back to focusing on my marriage, my family, my grandchildren, and although I am ready to move forward, there is something sticky about the familiarity of it all. I can't quite put my finger on it. Something just isn't comfortable. So I don't move yet.

I may take a bit longer living one moment at a time, I seem to find more peace this way.