Shame on Me

I talk real big about being strong, having conquered many obstacles and come out with bumps, scratches, scars, holes in my heart, but I made it. Alone. No husband - two kids, broken family, mortgage, yadda yadda yadda...

I have always known that my weakest link is my heart. To heck with logic - to heck with learning from past experiences. Until the walls come tumbling down - I seem to be as stupid as before...and the best part is - my weakness has become a lure to those who wish to slam me personally and slam my character, and I dang did it again...I fell for it.

I have never learned how to be evil, despite what people may think. I do not spend my idle time plotting destruction, I have very little idle time these days - well, I have never had idle time come to think of it.

But I fell for it again....Do it to me once, shame on you --- do it to me twice, shame on me.

And now you know. I am not strong. I am not brave. Apparently I wear my feelings outside - I am very tired, both mentally and physically, and I sit in this stupor kicking myself for allowing myself to be sucked in again. I guess I'll never learn. I guess I'll never figure out how to just stay out of it, because even when I see it coming, even when I'm careful to stay once removed - I get what everyone has been warning me about. So I suppose I deserve it.

Next time I'll listen to Mother and Toni. They told me to stay away and not to fall for it again - this is why I left in the first place....I'll never learn.